LOVE the concept!!

Here is my 2 cents: Chorus is a bit too long.

How about shortening the Chorus to:
This is my escape
My release
The thing I do just for me
Relaxation
Meditation
Guilty pleasure to the umpteenth degree


The Bridge flows like a verse so why not make it one?

Compare:
I know exactly what this looks like
I know exactly what they'll say
You know that's not my motivation
You know I'd do this anyway

To:
I do this 'cuz I want to
Not for anybody else
I just hope that you will listen
Before you put me on the shelf


Similar flow, no? Or am I on some good drugs? (don't answer that...)

How about making the bridge the latter part of your initially proposed chorus?

Don't you take it away
Don't you turn it into a job
Slip me a check as you cough
That's not why I'm here
This is how I stop the world when I wanna get off


At some point you'll have to tell me what inspired you for this...I like it!

I wrote some lyrics last night. I'm not going to tell you what inspired them 'cuz I kind of like their ambiguity. But let me know what you think.

I didn't write them with any particular melody in mind, so I don't know if we would want to put them with one of your existing progressions, or if you want to use them as part of the "write the lyrics, then I'll put them to music" experiment. Either way, they are not set in stone. We can easily add a word or drop a word or change a word as necessary to make it fit. When I get on a roll, I don't like to stop myself, so I just write. I know that the lines don't all have the same number of syllables and stuff. I think that's okay. At the very least we can play with it. 'Cuz as we all know, the rests in music are just as important as the notes. And I'm not sure I like lines 9-11 of the chorus, but we can play with them. And pre-chorus 2 could be substituted for pre-chorus 1 after the third verse if it sounds better. I just like the idea of bringing something from early in the song back into it towards the end. But here goes. Oh, and I don't have a title for it yet, either. But I picture it being a harder rock song. Garbage-y. Definitely not sweet.

(Verse 1) I know exactly what this looks like
I know exactly what they'll say
You know that's not my motivation
You know I'd do this anyway

(Pre-chorus 1) I'm not asking for a handout
I'm not calling in a favor
I'm the one making an offering
You don't have to be my savior

(Chorus) This is my escape
My release
The thing I do just for me
Relaxation
Meditation
Guilty pleasure to the umpteenth degree
Don't you take it away
Turn it into a job
Slip me a check as you cough
That's not why I'm here
This is how I
Stop the world when I wanna get off

(Verse 2) Let's not suck out the fun
Let's not make this a chore
The day I have to be here's
The day I don't want to anymore

(Pre-chorus 2) I'm not seeking special treatment
I'm not asking for a break
I'm just putting myself out there
It's your choice which parts you take

(Chorus) This is my escape
My release
The thing I do just for me
Relaxation
Meditation
Guilty pleasure to the umpteenth degree
Don't you take it away
Turn it into a job
Slip me a check as you cough
That's not why I'm here
This is how I
Stop the world when I wanna get off

(Bridge) I do this 'cuz I want to
Not for anybody else
I just hope that you will listen
Before you put me on the shelf

(Verse 3) You can see from where I'm coming
You understand my point of view
You can take me if you want me
That is all I ask of you

(Pre-chorus 1) I'm not asking for a handout
I'm not calling in a favor
I'm the one making an offering
You don't have to be my savior

(Chorus) This is my escape
My release
The thing I do just for me
Relaxation
Meditation
Guilty pleasure to the umpteenth degree
Don't you take it away
Turn it into a job
Slip me a check as you cough
That's not why I'm here
This is how I
Stop the world when I wanna get off

Accepted.

=]

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write 8-16 lines about being a skinny white boy, starting with the line "Fifteen years old."

Of course, whenever I sit down to think about the skinny white boy song, Avril Lavourginneiuex's Sk8tr Boi gets stuck in my head...

But I think it could be fun to keep it fun and light and pop-y. You write about being a skinny white boy at 15. I'll write about being a pudgy white girl at 15. We'll have a bridge and a couple of choruses and wind up with a verse about how life really isn't like that. Or something. Just a thought.

I know I complain a lot about the fact that I have to get up at the proverbial butt-crack of dawn every day, but when faced with the alternative of missing out on sunrises like the one that happened this morning, I think I'll put up with the waking up early. It really was breathtaking. Colors I don't even have words for. I got in my car and didn't even let it warm up because I wanted to get to a better vantage point to see the sunrise before the colors were gone. But beauty like that only lasts for a minute or two. And I got to see it. Because I wake up way too frickin' early.


I know I write about this stuff too much. I'm just trying to enjoy being alive is all. The simple pleasures in life. I'm trying to take note of all of the beauty around me so I don't get too weighed down in all of the crap that goes on in this world. So if that means I write about beautiful sunrises for a while, please bear with me until summertime comes and the sun wakes up even earlier than I do.
posted by Kitty on January 13th @ dailykitty.blogspot.com

Now there's a song just BEGGING to be written.
=]

Hee Hee. Funny!

But always keep in mind that when something is sung, and sung the right way, even the cheeziest line can sound awesome.

Examples:
You look so fine or Can't Cry these Tears - Garbage
Underneath it all - No Doubt
Stay - Lisa Loeb
or anything by Norah Jones (that woman's voice makes me weak in the knees)

We'll work it out!

=]

Lyrics are fully adjustable. I'm not married to them. I ran them past our little New York protoge the other day and she said, "I can hear it being played at weddings for years to come." To which I replied, "Back to the drawing board..."

Breathe You

Intro/Verse
D-C-G-G <-- repeat 4 times (4th time 2nd G is an A)

Pre-Chorus
A-A

Verse
D-C-G-G <-- repeat 4 times (4th time 2nd G is an A)

Pre-Chorus/Chorus
A-A-C-G-C-G-G

Verse
D-C-G-G <-- repeat 4 times (4th time A is played in place of 2nd G)

Bridge
A-Bm-A-Bm

Pre-Chorus/Chorus
A-A-C-G-C-G-G

Fade-out
D-C-G-G (End on A with finger pick to D hammer-on)

edit: I think we're going to have to adjust lyrics and music phrasing to co-incide with each other.

Need to really define each song's chord patterns so I can record them. Started playing and recording and wasn't pleased with the initial outcome, have really good ideas for the "rock" song. I have the bassline all set, need to get the drums all in line. I found software which will help me setup songs on the PC then I can transfer them to the PS-02. I think I'm going to ditch the Tascam PS5 as its nowhere near as flexible as the little PS-02 (and let me tell you the PS-02 is LITTLE).

I'll try to somehow post the chord progressions as I work them out into intro/verse/chorus/bridge. Obviously we can play with the arrangement a bit (i.e. this section would sound better as a verse than a chorus)